Loving writing does not make me write - why?

Could someone tell me how to learn to write everyday? Just even a bit. I have so many thoughts and head full of things to share - or even just to write somewhere. I even LOVE writing (as well as so many other things, I have to admit) but it does not make me write. Obviously "not writing" does not make me suffer so much that I'd just organize my time in different way.

Yes, I'm in India now. I arrived here on 1st of December. Somehow I managed to turn my sleeping rhytm in the wrong way just before the journey. I should have gone to sleep early every evening and I went to sleep for a week just really late instead. So in the plane I didn't feel like sleeping while other people were sleeping. I was watching movies, reading, browsing pictures, talking with Opu, thinking and all that. When I changed the plane in Mumbai, I felt already kind of tired. As soon as I got to the other terminal (of domestic flughts), I felt the sleep is coming to get me.

People back home were asking am I really going to India now. Those questions came up almost in every discussion. My project manager was telling me that I don't have to go - as well as my boss. But I wanted.. for many, many reasons I wanted to come here badly. I knew already that in India at the airports there are men with the guns at the doors - so I didn't find the Mumbai airport so risky place. And those terrorists who were attacking the hotels and railway station - I didn't believe that they would continue immediately in the same way. Well, I don't want to talk down all the things what happened but I don't want to be scared either and stop doing everything. The car can smash you anytime anyway - even near your own home. That I know too well since I lost my brother in that way.

So I came here.. And as soon as I landed in Mumbai and got out from the plane, it felt like coming home. This smell of the night, warm, humid air and all the noise! Don't ask why but I love it - I do, I do! (Adding "I do, I do" at the end of the sentences I just learned from a book which I'm reading now. I bought it some time ago - Pollyanna, a book for children. :D I bought it because one dear friend of mine just told me once that she was reading those books when she was small. And she liked them because the attitude and mentality of that child, main characted. I was reading that book yesterday the whole day in the sun shine and I love that book as well!)

So I managed to go unti Mumbai without sleeping (I left Helsinki @17.30 and arrived in Mumbai @04.30 at night). Exciting moment was if we'd get the flight to Opu since all the reservations were unsuccessful just few days before leaving and even on Sunday when we were suppose to leave, eBookers could not book any tickets to Bangladesh. And I booked the tickets for both of us well in advance. I had everything organized but Opu had the ticket only until Mumbai and he needed to continue to his home country. In addition to that, he seemed to be really nervous how they treat him in India customs since he's from the neighbour country and a muslim. I was confident that everything will be fine but since I'm not from this part of the world, I obviously cannot understand everything how these people see all this. I promised that I won't leave him in Mumbai alone until he gets the flight and everything organized. And everything went just fine. I don't know - somehow I'm not getting stressed in such situations - I just love to be "on the road".

As soon as we had bought the flight tickets to Opu in Mumbai, I left him to his terminal and headed to my own flight - which was cancelled. :D The people at KingFisher said that there's another flight going within few hours to Bangalore from Mumbai and I can take that one. But it leaves from another terminal so I had to walk there. At that time I felt sleepy already and I felt terribly passing the men with the guns while the guns were just pointing directly to me when I passed them by. I knew they don't shoot but still I don't like the feeling. In general I've never liked guns. I feel that they bring more bad than good things and especially they do not make me feel secure but more conscious of existing danger.

Anyway, so I continued to the other terminal and then I queued, and queued, and queued.. Finally when I managed to check in my luggage again (in here you normally shift your luggage by yourself), I was exhausted. I was sweating a lot and I was hungry. I found my way to the gate which was totally empty. I sent a few messages to my office just to tell them that I'll arrive later than expected and then I fell asleep. I woke up when people were boarding. In the plane I was sitting between two curious Indian men. The younger one wanted to share all his vegetarian food with me - though I told him that I've tasted most of them already last year. And the older one started to talk to me always when I was falling asleep. Anyway, nice and kind people. In Bangalore I just headed to pick up my luggage and out. There was a man at the door standing with a sign "Mr Kaisa, Citec". Indeed, it's really difficult for these people to know which name belongs to female, as well as it's difficult for us to tell the same thing about Indian names. So all those small mistakes just make me smile - cute, aren't they?

As soon as we reached the taxi, the driver gave me the phone and I heard our secretary telling me that it'll take more than an hour to reach the office and my colleague will take me then to my "apartment". I must have looked terrible - dirty and tired when I arrived to the office but I felt really happy. In the taxi I just fell asleep immediately and once in a while I opened my eyes just to notice we still didn't reach the office. But yes, I felt like at home in this huge city with all that smell, noise, people etc.

I reached the office, met my dear colleagues and headed to P.G., the place where I was going to stay. P.G. (=paying guest) is kind of normal big home, where is at least one normal family and then some people sharing the rest of the rooms. I'm not staying in a hotel for a few reasons. I agreed with my boss that I can stay here longer (8 weeks) even though the project does not require that long stay. In Bangalore you can find the some of the most expensive business hotels in the world so even the normal quality in hotels cost. Second thing is that I want to live with normal people because from them I learn the most. They offered me a place from the company - a big apartment for myself - but I really didn't find it so tempting after all. I'm not kind of luxorius girl but I love simple life people around me.

So my friend found a place for me in a P.G. near her home. So in the mornings she could pick me up on the way to work - I found it nice, since I loved all those mornings last year when we were going to work by a scootie. She was driving and I was sitting behind her watching people. Now she has a car and I kind of miss that wild feeling being so small among all the big cars and thousands of people around us.

Preety went to China on Saturday so I have to survive here all by myself. The most exciting part is that in India in general they do not have the street names anywhere. I've been wondering how these people find their ways in this huge city. Here are some 6 million people living in this city, while we have around 5 million in the whole Finland. I have learned the way to the office and lucky me I have pretty good orientation skills - here they are worth gold (in my opinion).

So today morning I needed to catch auto-ricksaw (here people call them just "auto" which was a bit confusing to me last year when I heard that first times). I need to cross the old airport road since the vehicles cannot make a U-turn in here and I'm going to Abugodi direction. Zebra crossing - what's that? In the whole city I've seen two zebra crossings. Surely there are some more but people just cross the street wherever they need. And crossing the road is always exciting since nobody stops and hundres of cars are constantly passing by. The easiest would be to walk next to a cow since people do not touch the cows here easily. I normally wait for some other people coming next to me and when they go, I go as well. Well, I do cross the streets alone also but it's just always so interesting. I suppose because you have to focus all the time in here.

I've said many times to many people that I cannot imagine Finnish drivers, especially some men. My God they'd get pissed off when someone is hanging all the time behind their ass, some 50cm's away. Here you just cannot escape the other vehicles. You're surrounded with them always when you're going somewhere. But these people drive well - somehow I really respect how they handle the vehicles.

So.. my morning. I went to stand on the other side of the airport road and started to check an auto-ricksaw which would take me to the office. Or actually to the shopping centre "Forum" nearby since I didn't remember the address of our office and I could enjoy a short morning walk. Hundreds of cars and auto-ricksaws passed by and all the them had passenger or more. I was worrying in advance of getting a ride by the meter (according to that machine which calculates the distance) but the bigger problem seemed to be getting a ride itself. Finally one auto-ricksaw stopped next to me and I asked the driver twice to put the meter on. To my surprise he put and started to drive towards Forum. He didn't turn in the crossing where Preety turns always and in this city we have a lot of one-way streets, so I was just watching the streets passing by and he could not turn to the right for a long time. But I was sure he'll take me to the right place so I was just eager to learn the city more. Finally he reached the Forum and I got off. Yes, I was in the correct place but I was sure that this wasn't the street where our office is. I was staring at the Forum and its neighbours like waiting for them to tell me where the hell I should go. I looked around and only familiar buildings were Forum and the two white buildings next to it.

Well, well, I thought, this easy it is to get lost in this city. I realized I must be on the wrong side of the shopping centre so I crossed the street and went in. Yes, in here they check all the bags when you get into a store, shopping mall and anywhere, so I kindly showed the content of my bag and I was happy that I didn't need to leave my bags to the guards like normally. On the other side I was again "at home". That was the street where our office is, who cares about the street name anyway? So I headed to the office passing by the cows and street dogs, some modest homes without any floors. While walking I realized the noise - I had my head phones since I was listening the mp3's from my phone but I didn't hear any music even though I had full voice and "speakers" in my both ears. Happily I reached the office.

See.. I didn't manage to write even half of the things which I had in my mind and this is already too long text. I suppose this is the bigger reason why I don't write. I cannot "cut the crap" but I just write like I talk. I tell and explain every single small thing since I find all the things so lovely and interesting. Good thing is that the world probably never gets too boring for me but I feel sorry for all those who find boring things. The same is with anger - I cannot be angry at people really. I can feel frustrated and angry by myself inside for a short while and I might say it to other people but I don't show it easily - only to my closest. Anyway, anger as well as being bored I just find wasting of time - I love and appreciate this life too much to spend my time in anything else than positiveness. :)

Ok, I'll try to write here - at least within a year. We'll see. Kisses and hugs to the whole world. Feel free to consider me a bit crazy but I just love so many people, I do, I do. They make me smile and do want to give them a sweet revenge and make'm smile as well.